Pretty peeved...

Ok so this blog is inspired by a tweet made by Rachel Nichols (was on part of last season of Criminal Minds). She wrote "This may seem mean, but I'm not being specific, so...um; have you ever looked at someone and thought "damn, that girl needs a sandwich"?"

It is REALLY offensive to someone who's thin to say to, or about, them "Damn you need a sandwich!" I mean REALLY?!?!

Would you go up to this person and say "Damn you need to lay off the sandwiches"?? HECK NO!!! Doing that is liable to get you into a fight!




However, if you look like this, it's fair game for people to come up and say whatever they want? The picture to the left is me in November 2001. I was 114# at 5'7". I was asked ALL THE TIME if I was anorexic, was I bulimic, did I eat, etc... Even my friggin' doctor asked me!!! (you know, the man who should have been able to tell by my lack of sunken cheeks or any other sign besides low number on scale) Thing is, I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I literally could not gain weight. I don't know if it was strictly a high metabolism or if something was wrong, but nothing I did made me gain weight, until I got pregnant.

You may be sitting there thinking "Oh poor you, you ate whatever you wanted whenever you wanted and didn't gain weight. Boo Hoo!" But really it WAS a hardship! I couldn't donate blood because I was too thin. I was picked on just as bad as the heavy kids. (one such ignorant person would tell me to turn to the side and stick my tongue out so knew which was my front)

Another hardship that resulted from this is that I now always think I'm fat. Even when I was at a healthy weight (after miscarriage, before K) I thought I was fat. This is because I have no concept of what I should look like at a normal weight (doesn't help that i am boobagly challenged).

Right now, I am 40#'s over weight. All the time people tell me "There's no way." blah blah blah. They don't see it because I'm tall and like baggy clothing. But I see it. I see the belly that looks like I'm still 5-7 months pregnant. I see the thighs that are individually the size they both together used to be (ok probably exaggerating there). But I see it and I hate it!

I don't want to be 114#'s again. I know that wasn't healthy for me. Looking back at the pictures I think "Damn! Was I REALLY that skinny???" but I want to feel thin again.

So I got off my main point for a minute. Back to it.... Because I was so thin, I know that my kids will be too (DH is also thin too just now starting to put on some weight). I've had to defend my kids' thinness to 3 different counties' WIC programs. My kids are tall (I'm 5'7" and DH is 6'3") and they are thin. I do not want people going up to my daughter when she's a teen and say "Damn girl! Eat a sandwich!" Because she genetically can't help being thin! I don't want her teased because of how thin she is, like I was. I don't want her developing low self esteem because no one can just get it through her head that she eats and just stays thin, like I had and still struggle with. I don't want her hating her body, like I always have. I want her to know she's beautiful! I don't ever want her to hurt the way I do.