I really hate having ADHD!!

Having ADHD makes me not really like going to group events when I don't know anyone, or very few people anyway. I always feel like I should make and wear a button that says "I have ADHD so may pop off with a random comment that fits into the conversation inside my head. Please don't be rude!!"

This is me at events where I don't know many people: I'm either sitting in the corner by myself not talking to anyone or I'm getting these "Why did you say THAT?" looks. Occasionally a person will actually be rude enough to point blank ask "Why did you tell us that out of the blue?" I mean REALLY!! Luckily there is usually SOMEONE there that managed to follow my train of thought as it went all over the map before coming out of my mouth. Those people are awesome cause they will just pipe up with "probably because we were talking about (enter subject of conversation here)".

That is why I try not to talk to anyone! I am tired of the looks and even more tired of the rude comments. They make me self conscious. They make me shut down. Occasionally they make me tear up right then and there. There's been a few conversations I have had to excuse myself from under the guise of needing to use the facilities because it was that or begin to cry in front of the people I was just having a conversation with.

I wish people were aware of how their words affect other people. How hard is it to think to yourself "I really have no idea why she said this but I'm going to be nice about it until maybe the reason becomes obvious"??? Is it THAT hard to not be like "Yeah? And?"

Daily I wish there was a cure for ADHD. But never do I wish it more than in these situations. I tend to only go when I really truly care about the person hosting the event. (and trust me, there are very few people on this earth i care that much about) Rarely I'll go to one just to get out of my house but I try not to do that too often.

So maybe I should get that button. I wonder how much that'd change these interactions....