If we were actually to think about it, and listen between the lines sometimes, we'd realize that we have all been touched by bullying. Some of us quietly suffer through it and while it affects us, we realize that one day we'll get away from those bullying us. Others get so down that they commit suicide.
The following is something that my friend L posted on her wall this morning:
"It is so hard to reconcile that sweet, happy little girl with the tortured young woman who lost all hope. I try to figure out when the switch flipped and why our endless love was not enough to save her. In hindsight I see that there were signs but we chalked them up to normal teenage angst. Parents I implore you to be vigilant. Mood swings, dark poetry, isolation, and things like wearing long sleeves in hot weather (to cover self inflicted scars), calls from concerned teachers, etc. TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY. If our tragedy can prevent even one senseless loss I can at least take comfort in that."
Very true words said by my cousin B. Her daughter, my cousin only a few months younger than me, committed suicide 2.5 years ago. I hadn't been able to see A since we were around 16 but we had reconnected on FB and were catching up on each others' lives. All people need to know these things and watch for signs. Maybe your son or daughter or niece or nephew or friend or maybe even your mom or dad may be leaving little hints that suicide is on their mind. Don't be afraid to speak up and help.
The part from B hit me really hard because I did a lot of those and my "angst" was missed by everyone who knew me. I had the mood swings, dark (ish) poetry, I stayed in my room or the basement, I wore long sleeved knitted sweaters in the summer (remember those sweaters from mid-90's?) to cover where I had cut & I had frequent stomach aches from stress (not on B's list, my addition).
I don't blame my parents for missing the signs. I never told them what was going on. My dad once saw one of my poems and asked me if I really felt that way. I laughed it off and said "Dad! It's just a poem. Geesh!" then went into my room. He believed me. Why wouldn't he? I had friends, I was just as hyper and talkative as I always was, in short I was a good actress.
There were times that I cut at my wrists just to feel something. I'd then pour rubbing alchohol on the cuts. I tried to commit suicide by wrapping belts or whatever around my throat and then going to bed (didn't realize til I was an adult that the brain would have me remove them in my sleep). I was miserable. I put on an act for my family, for my friends, for everyone.
In my mind I was being bullied everywhere. At school I was made fun of because I was so skinny, having no boobs, for my frizzy hair, for my abundance of acne, lack of stylish clothing, etc.... My grandpa would make comments (in his mind joking but added to everything else i took it to heart) about why couldn't I get grades like my straight A cousin, called me Queenie, and his favorite phrase was always "Shut up, Teri." Something my dad picked up on and still does to this day. (though not as much cause he knows now how much it does - and always has - bothered me)
In hindsight I realize that my grandpa was just picking on me the way he did everyone. However when I was in the middle of my teenage years of hormone changes and being picked on/bullied at school I took it to heart. To this day I have what I call my "Shut Up Teri Switch". I'll be talking to someone, and even if it's an actual conversation, I'll have this internal thought of "you're talking too much, shut up!!!" and I just shut down.
My point is that, even if someone doesn't commit suicide that doesn't mean they are okay and won't have long term negative effects of their bullying. Parents & adult friends of kids, we need to pay attention and listen to our children. I'd rather bug my kids about it and have them not be being bullied than assume a change in them is just "a phase" or whatever and it turn out they were. Kids who are being bullied, you need to find an adult that you can talk to about what's going on! Kids who are bullying others, you really need to stop. What you are doing and saying today can affect the rest of that person's life and if they will even HAVE a rest of their life!!
1 comments:
I was bullied, picked on, one too many times at school and during recess I had my fill and hit the girl in the stomach. I was the one who got cracked, sent to the office, and in trouble with my folks. I was challenged to a fight in jr hi...or rather told I was gonna get my butt kicked. I never was much of a fighter physically; no one really won or lost....she called me almost as soon as I got home, appologized and was asked not to report her to the dean. I said ok as long as she left me alone. The dean found out anyway...how do they do that, they always know!!!
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