I had to step back from a relationship with my in-laws because my mother-in-law felt she was allowed to dictate what my husband and I did. She was going to go out of state to visit M, a few years ago, and just assumed that we would go with her. She didn't mention it to us at all. In fact, I heard about it for the first time from M's mom!! As it happened, we were unable to go that particular weekend because S had school on Friday and soccer on Saturday and I had a thing at church on Sunday. Hubby told her we couldn't go. She came to me. I told her we couldn't go. She seemed to let it drop....for 2 weeks. At which time she came into my home and proceeded to act as if we were going and started trying to make plans. Once again, I told her we would not be going and why. So she turned to Hubby and said that he could go without the kids and I. Again, she was told that was not going to happen and she asked why and was told that I was his wife and he wasn't going to go out of state without me. "Well that's just stupid!! I'm his mother!!!" is the reply she gave, as if we could ever forget.Anyway; this turned into her screaming at me, in my living room, with S in his room off one side of the the LR and K in the Kitchen off the other side of the LR. K was 3 at the time and started crying hysterically. (K still will say "Grandma yelled at Mommy! That wasn't nice of her!") The altercation ended with MIL standing over me screaming in my face and putting her hands on my shoulders as if she was either going to push or shake me. I got her off of me before she could do anything and called the police. Since then we have received 1 text message from her that Christmas and very few visits from FIL (father-in-law). It has been almost 2 years and life has been MUCH calmer since kicking her out of our lives. I hate that we feel this way. Prior to Hubby and I beginning to date, I used to call his parents "mom" and "dad". But every since she tried to take over our wedding, our parenting, and everything things have gone downhill. Every once in a while I'll feel guilty about the kids not having both sets of grandparents and I'll approach Hubby about reaching out to them again. He refuses. It's his decision, not mine. They're his parents.
I had to step back from my brother for a while. His wife and I got into a disagreement and for the sake of his marriage, I had to step back from as much of a relationship with him. It sucked!! We had finally gotten a good relationship after pretty well hating each other growing up. I finally have been able to build that relationship back up.
I've had to step back from M and his mom due to this current crisis. The way they were handling it bothered me and the way I'm handling it bothered them. It sucked because she and I had FINALLY made peace and then this. Though I will say that this is the first time that while we aren't speaking, it isn't due to some big blow up. I mean we had conversations about disagreeing with how each other was handling it, but I don't think it was ever anything that could be described as a fight. I just had to back away from seeing the way they were handling it in order to handle it myself. I do think that this is the hardest of the backing away situations that I've done. I feel like I've lost one of my kids. In essence, I kinda have. S is still attempting to maintain a relationship by sending letters, but thus far he's not received a reply. I hate this crisis and all the many ways that it is affecting my family.
I don't really know why I felt like writing all of this. It serves no purpose except to bring me down. Today shouldn't have been a day where I was down. We sign the papers for the new house today. And maybe that's why I thought of all of this. Because it's weird to not have M be part of the move in any capacity. In fact, I'm not even sure he knows about it unless his mom blog stalks me (like I do to hers to see how she's doing post mastectomy) and told him. And when we move, MIL & FIL aren't getting our new address and they don't have our phone numbers either.
I guess that while I'm happy about the move and all that it means, it's reminding me of all that we're leaving behind.
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