The Rest of the Story

In 5 or 6 previous posts, I talked about or alluded to the abuse inflicted upon K. I left part of it out. Partly due to legal stuff and partly due to my inability to process it enough to actually write a post about it. That ends today.

• Nearly 30% of child sexual assault victims identified by child protective service agencies were between 4 and 7 years of age.
• 93% of juvenile sexual assault victims know their attacker, 34.2% of attackers were family members and 58.7% were acquaintances and only 7% of the perpetrators were strangers to the victim. (emphasis added)
• Like rape, child molestation is one of the most underreported crimes: only 1-10% are ever   disclosed. Source: FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin.
• IT IS ESTIMATED THAT THERE ARE 60 MILLION SURVIVORS OF CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE IN AMERICA TODAY. (emphasis theirs)    

Above from http://www.parentsformeganslaw.org/public/statistics_childSexualAbuse.html

• Children who received supportive responses following disclosure had less traumatic symptoms and were abused for a shorter period of time than children who did not receive support.
• Offenders are more likely to be relatives or acquaintances of their victim than strangers.
•  When sexual abuse is perpetrated by one sibling upon another, it is known as "intersibling abuse", a form of incest.
•  Unlike research on adult offenders, a strong causal relationship has been established between child and adolescent offenders and these offenders' own prior victimization, by either adults or other children
•  Child sexual abuse occurs frequently in Western society.
• In the UK, a 2010 study estimated prevalence at about 5% for boys and 18% for girls

Above from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_sexual_abuse#Disclosure

Why did I put those bullet points? Because I think those things are very important to keep in mind! Especially in light of what I'm about to type. K was molested by M. We have no idea how long it went on we only know that on April 26, 2013, 25 days after our last visitation with M, K told her daddy about it. (if want to know details, go here) Previously I have wrote about dealing with it from the parents of the victim side. This post will be from the parent/stepparent of the offender side. 

Let me start off by saying I STILL LOVE M!!!! Nothing he can do will take away the unconditional love I have for him. However I am hurt, betrayed, angry, horrified, etc... by what he has done. I pray for him constantly that he will admit what he's done and seek help for it. However, until that day comes there can be no reconciliation. We cannot put K back at risk. S either for that matter. S & K both miss & love their brother. But they both understand why he cannot come back to this house. 

Prior to this happening, I wasn't fully aware that the statistics of a sexual abuser being a family member was so high. I mean sure, I'd heard it and could probably spew the words back out, but it never sunk in. It never occurred to me that it could happen in our family. That one of my children (yes, i still view him as my child) could do this to their sibling. I blinded myself. 

Even after I had heard that his other half-sister accused him, I didn't fully believe he'd do it. (not that i didn't believe it'd happened to her) At first after the other accusations I was vigilant. I made sure they weren't alone, I didn't change her diaper anywhere but her bedroom or the bathroom with the door shut, etc.... However over the years it got easier to forget. I started letting them alone together thinking "well I check on them or make them keep the door open, nothing can happen." Once I even went to check on them and they were both under K's comforter on the floor. I brushed the nagging thought aside thinking he'd never hurt her.

I WAS WRONG!!!!!!!!

Not only did he hurt her, he has lied over and over about it. As we all know, if you tell yourself a lie often enough you tend to believe it yourself. I truly think that's where he's at. I truly think he's lied to himself over and over, convincing himself either that he didn't do anything or that he didn't do anything wrong. Makes me sad. 

I also truly believe he had to have learned about this from somewhere. I believe that either he's been molested himself or he's been exposed indirectly to sexual behavior that he shouldn't have been exposed to (either through walking in on someone or watching inappropriate tv shows or movies). This is another thing that he is adamantly denying. Once again, I pray that he admits it and gets some help. 

My regular readers know that I never ask people to share my posts. I'm making an exception. PLEASE share this post!! Raise awareness that even if you child literally is never around strangers that does not lower their likelihood of being victimized! PLEASE have an open dialog with your children from a very young age about this. Let them know they can come to you and be believed! Don't wait til they are older. K had just turned 5 the month before she told us about her abuse. 

BREAK THE SILENCE!!!!