After reading her comment, I went and looked at the list again and realized that the list wasn't really cutting it for me either. I mean sure those suggestions are great and all but they don't fit with what speaks to me. Apparently Lori and a few of her friends feel the same way. So we decided to make our own list for how husbands/boyfriends should romance us. (please note that just because I put something on the list, doesn't mean A doesn't do it...don't try to start drama where there isn't any) A lot of our list can go the other way too for wives to use it with their husbands. So ladies, you pay attention too!!
- Don't be a douchebag. (Lori) - This is so true! Guys and gals, if you really want your other half to look upon you favorably and maybe hop in the sack with you, you cannot be a horse's ass!! Remember that phrase about catching more flies with honey. Same works within a relationship.
- Learn HER love language and use it appropriately. (TK) - If you do not know what your other half's love language is, I suggest you both use this link and find out. Even if you are not a Christian, I'd suggest doing this. Because it has more to do with how each person feels love. For example: I am a gifts person. If you want to show me love, the best way would be to get me a little gift that shows me you were thinking of me. However A is a physical touch person. I could buy him gifts every day from now til I die and he won't feel loved. For me to show him love, I hold his hand, rub his back, and so on. (not all physical touch has to be sexual but that is a big part of it too)
- Never stop dating. (TK) - And when you're continuing your dating, don't treat it as if it's nothing. Get dressed up, make an effort. You don't have to spend tons of money on it. Could just be going to McDonald's followed by a Redbox or Netflix movie at home. However treat it as you would a first date. Schedule it in advance, look forward to it, have a plan on what to do, and so on...
- Bring her chocolate. Every day. (Kailey) - Fairly self explanatory here but for the dense, bringing his/her chocolate or whatever his/her favorite candy is will let him/her know you're thinking of him/her and paying attention to his/her likes. (would suggest replacing this with something else if your other half is dieting or diabetic)
- Instead of "doing chores together" tell her to go relax while you do whatever chores she has on her list for that day. (and then do them CORRECTLY!!) (TK) - The article suggested that if the husband saw the wife doing chores, he should go next to her and do them together. While yes that's nice, especially if you don't see much of each other, I would suggest telling your other half to go relax while you do the chore they're working on.
- Make "Honey, you relax in a hot bath with a glass of wine and I'll make dinner and do the dishes." part of your every day vocabulary. (Kailey) - If one of you traditionally does the cooking (in our house that would be him), then a nice thing to do would be to tell them you've got it for that evening. This goes along with #5 very well.
- Stop answering "what do you want for dinner?" and similar questions with "I don't care". Have suggestions. (TK) - This is one that I need to work on because A will always ask me what do I want and I never have a clue. But I know that he appreciates it when I have an idea of what I want for dinner because it makes his job of fixing it easier.
- Instead of I don't care how about I want to take you out to a 5-star dinner! (Greta) - Greta replied to my comment about dinner with this. And is such a good one!!! Even if you can't actually afford to go out to a 5-star dinner (or even a 1-star in some people's cases) it's nice to hear that your other half has the DESIRE to wine you and dine you and show you off.
- This one is one that my husband is good at but I know that not all are:REMEMBER & ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR ANNIVERSARY AND HER BIRTHDAY!!! (TK) - Like I said, A is good at this one (as he'd better be since he set our wedding date and proposed 2 days prior to my birthday) but not all husbands, and the occasional wife, is good at this one. Most everyone has a cell phone now days. Program in the important dates with a reminder. She will appreciate that you remembered, even if it was with help. It shows that you care enough to make a note so that you don't forget.
- Know her favorite things and surprise her with them occasionally. It doesn't have to be purchased but if her favorite song is on the radio, crank it up, even if you hate it. This is what is commonly referred to as "not being selfish." (Lori) - I would add that ESPECIALLY if you hate the song or whatever you'll get bonus points. A loves soccer and I hate it. But when I go to games with him, I have fun because he's there and I get bonus points because he knows how much I'm not a fan. (unless S is playing... I love watching my kid play soccer)
- Make an effort (Lori) - This is kind of all encompassing but still something that so many forget or just plain refuse to do. Make a special effort to show your other half just how much they mean to you.
- Don't do things to annoy her just because it amuses you. (Lori) - This goes back to number one of "don't be a douchebag" but it is good to repeat. If you know something annoys your spouse, you should be going out of your way NOT to do it. Continuing to do it just because you find it entertaining to annoy them is juvenile and rude. Do not be surprised when you get invited to sleep on the couch.
- Send texts/fb messages/post on her fb wall letting her know you're thinking of her during the day. (TK) - Fairly self explanatory here. If you let your other half know you're thinking of them, they'll be thinking of you as well.
- Take pride in your body and keep it clean (my translation of Greta's suggestion...hehe) - Taking pride in yourself leads to others being proud to be around you. No one wants to be around a stinky butt!
- Give her a massage - not as a prelude to sex but because she needs one! (Greta) - Another fairly obvious one that guys, especially, seem to get wrong. Seriously! Don't expect sex but just do it because you want to help her relax. Chances are you might end up getting lucky anyway if it's something you're not expecting.
- Buy a DVD that shows new bedroom techniques, then watch it and do it! (Greta) - Do they actually have educational DVDs on this subject? I truly don't know if she means that or porn. If porn *MY* suggestion would be to stay away but if there are educational type that is to help committed partners have a better love life, then I'd suggest watching together and discussing what you'd each like to try.
- Compliment her mind, personality, etc. NOT just her physical attributes. (Lori) - Sure, it's nice to hear physical compliments. However we like to know we're more than our looks. ESPECIALLY when we're already feeling self conscious about our looks.
- Take her car to be detailed and return it with a full tank of gas (Greta) - This is a good one especially if your other half is a car person and/or an acts of service person.
- Encourage silliness. **not silliness like spending the rent money on shoes, but playfulness ** (Lori) - Be goofy together! Laugh! Enjoy each other's personality.
- Don't tell her how to feel... "don't be mad, but...", "aaw, don't cry" that sort of thing. Appreciate the fact that feelings are natural.(Lori) - If you don't value our feelings on a subject then how do we know that you value anything else about us?
- Let her dream and dream with her. (Lori) - I think this is the absolute best one! Especially if you're a married couple (as opposed to dating). Never stop dreaming of where you want your life to go. If you stop dreaming, your life becomes monotonous.
"Romance can't be created. It's in the connection, the desire if you will. Trying to fabricate romance is futile & juvenile."I think this is true to an extent. I believe that these gestures that we've came up with help to further that romantic connection to our partner. I only disagree in that when a couple feels like the "spark" is gone, these gestures could go a long way to bring it back.
Tony added
"The only thing I can say to add is that romance is a two-way street, which a lot of people now are forgetting. When only one side is trying, the relationship is already dead."This is another that I agree with to an extent. I think part of it depends on why the other person isn't trying and how they respond to attempts made to rekindle the romance.
Take a look at the lists in the links as well as the one we came up with. Do you have any additions or subtractions to the lists? Feel free to comment. If I get enough, I may do another post.
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